It’s good to talk. So the saying goes, but why?
Do you really know the reason why, the science, the psychology or the reasoning? I’m a selective natterer, the kind that can talk the hind legs off a donkey one with one person and keep my council with another. It’s a technique I’ve fine tuned through age and experience. (And through performing the god awful, open mouth – insert boot, trick one time too many times.)
I was testing this theory when I turned 40 last year, something which challenge the very core of my belief system as the aging process stared and taunted me in the face. I never minded telling people I was thirty something, but as a child I clearly remember celebrating my Mum’s 40th birthday and now, in the flick of a switch it was my turn. So rather than wallow in the impeding middle age that haunted me, I tried to think of the benefits of having a life time of experience behind me, one of which, is hindsight.
Well, I’d have paused and thought of what was about to come out of my mouth before speaking on many occasions for one.
I’m not saying I’ve taken a vow of silence, or exercising a method of selective mutism. Far from it, I love to talk. I chatter away all day to my toddler, my inner talk spills out all over the pages of my blog and once my boys are in from school, I attempt to engage in the dance of reciprocity, helping them to off load their day and settle into the peace and tranquility of their safe haven.
But why is it good to talk?
When I’m frustrated, I feel stressed. I feel anxious, like I’m about to explode. Sometimes, in the past I did explode, I’m not perfect, I’ll admit, (I’m not talking anger management candidate, here, don’t panic.) I’m generally quite a laid back, un-frustrated person, but there are times when something gets my goat and I need to tell someone. But if I don’t, it stays inside, building up until I either calm it down in my head, sleep on it or shout it out! Not good.
Yes there is a but, there’s always a but.
Now I’m older, I’ve learnt that it’s good to talk and occasionally I’ve been asked how I stay so calm, so for those people, this is how:
I have some amazing friends and family who I know I can trust. My go-to people who, when I need to off load. I talk to them and they help rationalise my thoughts and reinstall my inner calm. It’s no biggy, everyone does it.
Imagine this, your mind is like a room. A room with a wardrobe, a bed and chest of drawers and to be able to tidy everything away, it needs space to walk around. Your thoughts are the things that need tidying away (compartmental-ising) but it you keep putting things in there, you won’t be able to get in and it becomes full, squashed and untidy. You can’t move, you can’t think.
Then you chat, you talk your thoughts out of your head and into their place, their compartments, their wardrobes, chest of draws, under the bed. and you free up space to move and think in you room head.
So when something little or big goes back in it doesn’t bother you. You need space in your head so by tidying up your thoughts by talking and getting them out, you create that space.
You still with me?
So next time you feel like you can’t think, your head’s full of silent chatter or you’re about to explode;
Just talk. Text, email or FaceTime.
You need to off load and empty those buzzing thoughts..
Defragment your mind as a problem shared is a problem halved.
And you’ll feel so much better, ready to face the next challenge head on.