Why Is It Good To Talk?

Why Is It Good To Talk?

It’s good to talk. So the saying goes, but why?

Do you really know the reason why, the science, the psychology or the reasoning? I’m a selective natterer, the kind that can talk the hind legs off a donkey one with one person and keep my council with another. It’s a technique I’ve fine tuned through age and experience. (And through performing the god awful, open mouth – insert boot, trick one time too many times.)

I was testing this theory when I turned 40 last year, something which challenge the very core of my belief system as the aging process stared and taunted me in the face. I never minded telling people I was thirty something, but as a child I clearly remember celebrating my Mum’s 40th birthday and now, in the flick of a switch it was my turn. So rather than wallow in the impeding middle age that haunted me, I tried to think of the benefits of having a life time of experience behind me, one of which, is hindsight.

What would I have done differently in hind sight?


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Well, I’d have paused and thought of what was about to come out of my mouth before speaking on many occasions for one.

I’m not saying I’ve taken a vow of silence, or exercising a method of selective mutism. Far from it, I love to talk. I chatter away all day to my toddler, my inner talk spills out all over the pages of my blog and once my boys are in from school,  I attempt to engage in the dance of reciprocity, helping them to off load their day and settle into the peace and tranquility of their safe haven.

But why is it good to talk?

When I’m frustrated, I feel stressed. I feel anxious, like I’m about to explode. Sometimes, in the past I did explode, I’m not perfect, I’ll admit, (I’m not talking anger management candidate, here, don’t panic.) I’m generally quite a laid back, un-frustrated person, but there are times when something gets my goat and I need to tell someone. But if I don’t, it stays inside, building up until I either calm it down in my head, sleep on it or shout it out! Not good.

BUT.

Yes there is a but, there’s always a but.

Now I’m older, I’ve learnt that it’s good to talk and occasionally I’ve been asked how I stay so calm, so for those people, this is how:

I have some amazing friends and family who I know I can trust. My go-to people who, when I need to off load. I talk to them and they help rationalise my thoughts and reinstall my inner calm. It’s no biggy, everyone does it.

Imagine this, your mind is like a room. A room with a wardrobe, a bed and chest of drawers and to be able to tidy everything away, it needs space to walk around. Your thoughts are the things that need tidying away (compartmental-ising) but it you keep putting things in there, you won’t be able to get in and it becomes full, squashed and untidy. You can’t move, you can’t think.

Then you chat, you talk your thoughts out of your head and into their place, their compartments, their wardrobes, chest of draws, under the bed. and you free up space to move and think in you room head.

So when something little or big goes back in it doesn’t bother you. You need space in your head so by tidying up your thoughts by talking and getting them out, you create that space.

You still with me?

So next time you feel like you can’t think, your head’s full of silent chatter or you’re about to explode;

Just talk. Text, email or FaceTime.

You need to off load and empty those buzzing thoughts..

Defragment your mind as a problem shared is a problem halved.

And you’ll feel so much better, ready to face the next challenge head on.

its good to talk, to off load and share your thoughts, read more here;

 ever wondered why it's good to talk? this quote says it all, read more on why it is here';
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34 Comments

  1. 27th February 2015 / 7:19 am

    I enjoyed reading your thoughts on when and how it’s good to talk. I think that one of the things that comes with – ahem – maturity is knowing, as you say, who to entrust with your thoughts. That close group of friends and family you refer to is invaluable. Good luck with the big 4-0, I turned forty around three months ago and, like you, the milestone birthday really made me reflect! #PoCoLo

    • 27th February 2015 / 9:12 am

      They are aren’t they, I think the trust thing is the key. knowing you can say something and not be judged.

  2. 27th February 2015 / 11:47 am

    My other half always tells me I should talk more, I prefer to write though 🙂 Lovely post #PoCoLo

    • 27th February 2015 / 1:53 pm

      I’m probably not as constantly verbal as I used to since blogging!

  3. 27th February 2015 / 7:55 pm

    I talk less now that I am older but hopefully I listen more!

    #weekendbloghop

  4. Tiffany
    28th February 2015 / 6:41 pm

    Plus you look fabulous for almost 40! 🙂

  5. 28th February 2015 / 7:11 pm

    You’re right,sometimes you need someone else’s perspective to help clarify your own thoughts.

  6. al
    1st March 2015 / 10:23 am

    Totally agree – and would like advocate dads talking too! We’re just the same… sort of!

    • 1st March 2015 / 1:30 pm

      Lol! The men in my family tend to leave the talking up to the women, or is that we just don’t let them get a word in?

  7. Michelle Reeves (bodfortea)
    2nd March 2015 / 11:02 am

    As a bit of an ‘exploder’ myself I really related to this – talking through your frustrations and worries really can help to sort them out in your own mind can’t it? And by the way, as someone who is already over 40 let me tell you that it’s not as bad as you might think! In fact I think it’s my best decade yet!

    Thanks so much for linking up at #sharethejoy (also happen to be visiting from #PoCoLo this week too!).

    • 2nd March 2015 / 11:19 am

      It’s 40’s feedback like that which I need! I’m trying to embrace the next decade, it’s the fact the one after that is 50 scares me!

  8. 2nd March 2015 / 11:38 am

    I love your analogy of your mind being like a room with a wardrobe, bed and chest of drawers and how keeping silent is a bit like continually stuffing things into a drawer and overloading it whereas talking is like taking out the contents and reorganising them. Such a brilliant way of looking at it and definitely agree that it’s good to talk to people that you can trust. I also find writing things down helps me to reorganise those thoughts too.

    • 2nd March 2015 / 1:32 pm

      It does, if I don’t want to share my thoughts the I always write it down then stick it in the log burner!

  9. Ashley Beolens
    2nd March 2015 / 12:34 pm

    I think it is good to talk in order to get things off your chest otherwise you end up bottling things up and get stressed, angry etc.

    Excellent post

  10. Honest Mum
    2nd March 2015 / 1:02 pm

    So important to reach out, to talk, to work through your worries. Thanks for this reminder. #sharethejoylinky x

  11. 2nd March 2015 / 1:39 pm

    I’m so with you on this one, bottling it all up does no one any good… When I’m feeling low I only have to hear one of my bestie’s voices and I just blurt it all out but it feels so great to get it off my chest. Fab post and I hear the big 40 is a non-event 😉 xx

    • 2nd March 2015 / 2:21 pm

      I think we forget sometimes just how powerful it is to simply talk about something good or bad and how it helps clear your heads for the next bug event (like turning 40!)

  12. 2nd March 2015 / 9:06 pm

    It really does help to talk things through and off load doesn’t it, it’s something I probably don’t do enough of. I also should probably keep my thoughts to myself sometimes! Thanks for linking up with #sundaystars

    • 2nd March 2015 / 9:07 pm

      The main thing I’ve decided it talking to the right people and keeping quiet with the wrong!

  13. 3rd March 2015 / 1:46 pm

    You’re right it is definitely good to talk and knowing when to talk and when not to is definitely a skill that comes as we grow. I am a lot more careful now in some ways and more open in other ways rather than bottling it all up. Difficult to know who to talk to sometimes though as no one wants to be seen as a moaner! Xx #allaboutyou

    • 4th March 2015 / 7:32 pm

      You’re right, I try not to moan to the same person although my sister & I are always putting the world to rights

  14. 3rd March 2015 / 8:39 pm

    Just reminded me of that quote “The older you get, the older old is” 🙂 I always tend to write rather than talk when my head is about to explode like that. I find getting it down on paper (or screen) is like sending it to the correct word file and then I don’t have to think about it any more! Thanks for linking to #thetruthabout X

    • 4th March 2015 / 6:20 am

      I love that quote! Never heard it before, I agree getting it out either on paper or verbalising is helpful.

  15. 4th March 2015 / 3:24 am

    Definitely good to have a few close sounding boards to keep yourself sane! Great food for thought. Thanks for linking up!

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