Is Your Baby’s Sleep Really An Issue?

Is Your Baby’s Sleep Really An Issue?

“Sleep is not issue, unless it’s an issue.”

Brilliant words and a piece of advice my health visitor once said to me. Expecting her to offer some well meaning advice, which I knew I wouldn’t be able to follow, she astounded me with quite the opposite.
It wasn’t an issue as in my mind, babies did wake up in the night for various reasons – cold, hungry, lonely or just because, and being prepared for the night wakings, as brief but as regular they were, wasn’t an issue.
In my mind, when you’re prepared for something you resisted it less. And yet, I’m always a little apprehensive to admit my toddler still wakes at night.

But it’s not an issue.

I cuddle or feed him and he goes straight back off. That’s the beauty of co sleeping, a subject which attracts lots of opinions. It’s not for everyone and I respect that. I had a formula for a good nights sleep; co sleeping was our plan

It works for us, and it’s not an issue.

I’m not a fan of controlled crying, never have been, never will. If my boy cries, I comfort him. Sadness or despair in a child rocks me to the core. Childhood should be a time of happiness, a time to build happy adults. So when my boy lets me know he’s sad or needs me, I do what I can to cheer him up.

It’s just not an issue.

There’ll may come a day when my boy will need comfort and I won’t be there to give it, but I know that the cuddles and responsive care I’ve practiced will make up for it. The foundations of love and cuddles will let him know all’s good, he can cope, he has a mamma who loves him.

And it won’t be an issue.

we co sleep as our son just needs to check in at night. Its not an issue for us and too much emphasis is put on babies sleeping through too young

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33 Comments

  1. 25th October 2015 / 6:16 am

    Love this, there’s so much pressure to bring up our kids a certain way and competition with who can get theirs to sleep through the quickest but who cares! It should be about taking care of their needs. #sundaystars

    • 25th October 2015 / 9:13 am

      Absolutely Kaye, every families different and if you ask for advice that’s fine but otherwise people should be left to do as they please.

  2. 25th October 2015 / 7:46 am

    You are following your own instincts and that’s a good thing. There is a lot of pressure on parents these days to do something a certain way – the “right” way or the “wrong” way. Every one is an expert and feels the need to offer their advice. It drives me crazy. You’re doing what is right for your family so good for you. #SundayStars

    • 25th October 2015 / 9:06 am

      I’ve become a lot for stubborn and confident that I know what I’m doing with each baby (I’ve only got 3, that makes me sound like I’ve had loads!) luckily no one dares give me advice anymore.

  3. Becster
    25th October 2015 / 7:59 am

    I don’t do co-sleeping nor controlled crying but like you I do comfort my babies if they cry. They’re crying for a reason and they need to know I’m here. I must admit I’ve been very lucky with my babies – they’ve been good sleepers. Something I’m very thankful of! #SundayStars

    • 25th October 2015 / 9:09 am

      I think that’s the main thing to remember is that they cry for a reason and as adults it’s our role to guide & help them through their early years. With the underdeveloped brains they aren’t always capable of controlling thief emotions so it’s down to us to calm, sooth, comfort them until they’re able to do it them selves.

  4. Robyn
    25th October 2015 / 8:36 am

    I love to read posts about other mums who are still getting up in the night with their older babies. My babe (11 months) still wakes up once or twice a night. Of course I’d love a full night’s sleep but I just haven’t got the heart for sleep training. I feel like we’re the last of the people I know to outgrow night waking , so I’m glad to know from your post that we’re not completely alone! #sundaystars

    • 25th October 2015 / 8:52 am

      I’m sure we’re not the only ones and that others just don’t admit it. My older 2 were wakeful babies / toddlers and now sleep for England so I know it’ll get better

      • Robyn
        29th October 2015 / 9:02 am

        That’s so reassuring to hear, thanks so much for the reply and the encouragement!!

        • 29th October 2015 / 4:07 pm

          Hope it helps lots of parents out there realise that not all toddlers are sleeping through and if they don’t we’re not failures!

  5. 25th October 2015 / 11:02 am

    It is so important to be comfortable with your own approach, and not worry about what anyone else is doing. I had twins and couldn’t really share my bed with them and needed them in a cot – but I totally appreciate everyone has different styles and views. Whatever makes Mum happy makes baby happy. Great post 🙂 Thanks for linking up lovely. xx

    #sundaystars

    • 25th October 2015 / 8:05 pm

      I can imagine it’s a whole different story with twins and I don’t think i’d have co slept with 2 either.

  6. Karen (@karenjwhitlock)
    25th October 2015 / 8:31 pm

    Wise words! Every child is different and you can’t come up with a universal way with dealing with children waking. My four year old still wakes most nights. The best way to deal with her is to go in to her quickly and give her a cuddle and she drops off quickly. If you let her cry she gets herself wound up and it can takes ages to calm her down and get her back off. That technique won’t work for other children and why should it matter? There is an obsession that we should be getting our children to sleep through as soon as possible.
    Anyway, thanks for linking up to #SundayStars

    • 26th October 2015 / 7:22 pm

      That’s exactly what I do, I’ve found if I try and leave him to settle too long on his own he wakes himself up properly and then it takes ages to get him off to sleep.

  7. 26th October 2015 / 8:02 am

    If Zach wakes in the night one of us is straight in there to sooth him back to sleep. He doesn’t tend to wake up crying, just calling for us but I hate the thought of him falling back to sleep with that call unanswered. It may be hard at 3am to drag my sleeping butt out of bed but if it means that he knows we are there for him when he most needs us, that’s all that matters 🙂 #sundaystars

    • 26th October 2015 / 7:25 pm

      I can’t bear the thought of any of my children waking up and feeling alone. one of my boys use to say “it’s ok for you as you have dad in your room if you wake up” and he does have a point!

  8. 26th October 2015 / 9:40 am

    It is very hard with a tricky sleeper, the best way to crack it is the way that works for you, it is different for everyone. I hope you break the waking cycle soon

    • 26th October 2015 / 7:18 pm

      I think that’s the main point, every family is different. We tried sleep training with our other children and it was so distressing for all of us and never worked so I’ve gone in with a different perspective this time and it’s just not bothering me.

  9. 26th October 2015 / 3:40 pm

    I’m doing the same with number for, now 13 months. I’m told we have a sleep issue – that’s not how I see it #sharethejoy

    • 26th October 2015 / 7:15 pm

      I think we put too much pressure on our selves to have a baby who sleeps through, I know my boy will get round to it but I’m in no rush. It’ll happen when it happens.

  10. Silly Mummy
    26th October 2015 / 9:36 pm

    Yes, I tend towards the same attitude. I don’t like letting them cry, and my two have both taken quite a while to settle to independent sleeping. Eldest is now very good, and has been from about 13 months. Youngest still doesn’t sleep through and wants someone with her (though she does parts of the night alone now) at 14months. But, yes, I don’t see it as as big an issue as people try to suggest it is, really. #sharethejoylinky

    • 27th October 2015 / 9:52 am

      I do think most get there in the end, it’s just a longer, gentler route.

  11. 27th October 2015 / 11:09 am

    I think I have to remind myself every day that what we do for/to/in front of our children when they are little is massively impactful and getting it right – whilst not always easy – is something we should be constantly striving for, and yes, cuddling and reassuring them and giving them that feeling of unconditional love, care and protection is super important. Thanks so much for linking up to #thetruthabout this week Ali X

    • 27th October 2015 / 5:29 pm

      I agree, raising confident, secure and happy children tops any other life lessons we should be teaching our children.

  12. Mumma McD
    30th October 2015 / 6:29 am

    That was brilliant advice from your health visitor – sleep is only an issue when it’s an issue. My 2 yr old still wakes frequently – sometimes it is an issue, sometimes it isn’t!
    #effitfriday

  13. 30th October 2015 / 8:38 am

    I’ve had a really good sleeper, and a child that didn’t sleep (mainly due to ear issues) and still needs help with sleep. There are no magic formulas. What works for us (he slept on our room until recently) might not be ideal for someone else. I also didn’t do controlled crying (despite being hassled to by many people) because I know it wouldn’t have worked for him. We’ve done things differently. Not wrong, just what we needed to do to get enough sleep for us all.
    Sleep is such a hot topic in parenting, isn’t it? #effitfriday

    • 30th October 2015 / 9:21 am

      That’s the main point I think in all the issues around sleep, you do what’s best for your family. I can cope on 6 hours a night and don’t have other young children but for a family with a few little ones I’m sure it’s s different matter.

  14. 30th October 2015 / 8:56 am

    Parents are as individual as their children and you do what works for you and your precious child. I hate parents judging each other. As the mum of a child with additional needs I have learned to do what works for us and not worry about what other people have I say but it can be hard when family or friends question your choices. Keep doing what makes you and yours happy and you’re never wrong, I say! #effitfriday

    • 2nd November 2015 / 9:20 pm

      eactly, everyone’s different and parents should respect that what works for one may not work for another.

  15. 31st October 2015 / 9:27 am

    Oh what a lovely post, we’ve been having issues recently with the Toddler sleep. He wants to sleep in our bed which in itself isn’t an issue it’s just i then disturb him when I get up to see the baby. We are trying to work out a solution that works for us all – maybe the Ikea hack bed! Funnily enough I wrote about it earlier this week 🙂 all about sleep in oir house at the moment!

    • 2nd November 2015 / 9:19 pm

      I’ll have to keep an eye out and see what your solution is!

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