Such an interesting read and I completely agree, though like you say it is hard to always maintain. I much prefer (and get better results) when I speak to my daughter about the problem rather than shouting from the offset. I also find that if she’s having a tantrum it is best to just leave her to calm down before trying to negotiate 🙂
Thanks Helen, sounds like we’re singing from the same song sheet! Especially when they’re upset and beyond and understanding
Ooooh I’d be interested to hear how you go on with this – I’ve often said I’d be the same and then I’d end up falling at the last hurdle! But at the same time I do explain how I’m feeling and why I’m upset so they grow up with some emotional intelligence as well as common sense!
I don’t know how you parents do it and maybe I will learn when my time comes but I can promise you my mother gave birth to kids who pulled every patience code out of her. It came to a point where if she didn’t shout we would get scared lol but in the mix she also explained things to us calmly but we took advantage as you do.
sounds like you’ve had a perfect role model, and I agree, my older boys know that when I’m giving them the silent treatment I’m too cross to even speak!
The bit that resonated with me was ‘It’ll make mummy scary’. I will remember that next time I feel like shouting, because I don’t want to be scary and you’re right, it’s not the best way to get the point across anyway.
It’s hard sometimes being a parent isn’t it? I think you are right, you are a role model and it’s better not to be a shouty mum but we all have times when we lose it too
It’s only natural to not be able to control it all the time. I’m worse when I’m completely overloaded with stress.
I completely agree with your choice. Whenever anyone shouted at me I would go into the fight or flight response mode and as you said rationale can go out the window x
Its that primative flight or fight trigger which you have to remember everyone resorts to when scared isn’t it.
I think this is such an important and valuable choice to make, as you said you are not only helping your kids understand why something was wrong, you’re showing then how to be restrained and collected and reasonable themselves when they’re older. Well done!
Thank you, I’m glad you understand where I’m coming from.
I am not a shouty person but I do admit sometimes I shout at my children more then I would like too, mostly when my 2 and 3 year old are trying to kill one enough. I totally agree that we are role models and need to try and see things fom their point of view though as sometimes they do things by accident or without realising xx
my point exactly! I think that sometimes we forget that they’re still learning the rights and wrongs in life and do make mistakes.
It is really hard sometimes as a parent what to do for the best. It all takes time and lots of learning on what works best 🙂
I hate shouting at the kids but sometimes I have said something 5 times and still been ignored 🙁 It is like they can’t hear me. One shout is enough to get them all behaving, phew! Even Zach (very reluctantly) listens when I shout ‘no’
I am not a parent so I can only admire people who have so much patience. I am not sure if I wouldn’t end up shouting at my kids.
I try and not be a shouty mum and working with pre-schoolers has done wonders for my patience but sometimes, shouty mum has to make an appearance
It is really hard and some days i feel as though all i do is shout and say no or get down from there or get away from that….. you get the idea lol
I totally agree with this. Both my husband and I can become stressed with our girls and I hate it. I too need to choose not to b a shouty parent
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