Why Is It Good To Talk?

It’s good to talk. So the saying goes, but why?

Do you really know the reason why, the science, the psychology or the reasoning? I’m a selective natterer, the kind that can talk the hind legs off a donkey one with one person and keep my council with another. It’s a technique I’ve fine tuned through age and experience. (And through performing the god awful, open mouth – insert boot, trick one time too many times.)

I was testing this theory when I turned 40 last year, something which challenge the very core of my belief system as the aging process stared and taunted me in the face. I never minded telling people I was thirty something, but as a child I clearly remember celebrating my Mum’s 40th birthday and now, in the flick of a switch it was my turn. So rather than wallow in the impeding middle age that haunted me, I tried to think of the benefits of having a life time of experience behind me, one of which, is hindsight.

What would I have done differently in hind sight?



Well, I’d have paused and thought of what was about to come out of my mouth before speaking on many occasions for one.

I’m not saying I’ve taken a vow of silence, or exercising a method of selective mutism. Far from it, I love to talk. I chatter away all day to my toddler, my inner talk spills out all over the pages of my blog and once my boys are in from school,  I attempt to engage in the dance of reciprocity, helping them to off load their day and settle into the peace and tranquility of their safe haven.

But why is it good to talk?

When I’m frustrated, I feel stressed. I feel anxious, like I’m about to explode. Sometimes, in the past I did explode, I’m not perfect, I’ll admit, (I’m not talking anger management candidate, here, don’t panic.) I’m generally quite a laid back, un-frustrated person, but there are times when something gets my goat and I need to tell someone. But if I don’t, it stays inside, building up until I either calm it down in my head, sleep on it or shout it out! Not good.


Yes there is a but, there’s always a but.

Now I’m older, I’ve learnt that it’s good to talk and occasionally I’ve been asked how I stay so calm, so for those people, this is how:

I have some amazing friends and family who I know I can trust. My go-to people who, when I need to off load. I talk to them and they help rationalise my thoughts and reinstall my inner calm. It’s no biggy, everyone does it.

Imagine this, your mind is like a room. A room with a wardrobe, a bed and chest of drawers and to be able to tidy everything away, it needs space to walk around. Your thoughts are the things that need tidying away (compartmental-ising) but it you keep putting things in there, you won’t be able to get in and it becomes full, squashed and untidy. You can’t move, you can’t think.

Then you chat, you talk your thoughts out of your head and into their place, their compartments, their wardrobes, chest of draws, under the bed. and you free up space to move and think in you room head.

So when something little or big goes back in it doesn’t bother you. You need space in your head so by tidying up your thoughts by talking and getting them out, you create that space.

You still with me?

So next time you feel like you can’t think, your head’s full of silent chatter or you’re about to explode;

Just talk. Text, email or FaceTime.

You need to off load and empty those buzzing thoughts..

Defragment your mind as a problem shared is a problem halved.

And you’ll feel so much better, ready to face the next challenge head on.

its good to talk, to off load and share your thoughts, read more here;

 ever wondered why it's good to talk? this quote says it all, read more on why it is here';

How to support teenagers through exams

I’m the lucky parent to a teenager (don’t scoff, some of you baby mummy and daddies will be here too one day) and as I’ve said many times before, bringing up a teenager is tough. Where my safety worries were once confined to determining the correct size of a grape & teaching road safety, I now find myself caught up in the giddy world of spots, safe sex & exam stress. It’s scary stuff I’m telling you. Scary, scary stuff.

As a teenager,  I always pictured myself being a cool, carefree mum that let their kids make their own choices & never interfered with school work or friendship choices. That philosophy changed virtually the day after I found myself on the other side of the fence and became a real life parent.

In reality, teenagers need as much support, guidance and coercion than toddlers. What no one warns you about is that while their brains go through a massive pruning process that leaves them unable to do things that we, as adults, find relatively easy.

Unfortunately teenagers don’t always see the bigger picture, not all are like this, I’m not generalizing every teenager, just my own experience in parenting one and being one. They can, at times, make the wrong life choices, like playing the Xbox for 6 hours straight instead of completing their homework or being influenced into doing things that could prove dangerous, like drink, drugs or showing off immature driving skills. (Not had the pleasure of those 3 yet, luckily)

Scary stuff, like I said.

And while I’m not being a helicopter parent, I am keeping a watchful eye. I issue constant homework reminders and bed time ‘suggestions’ (usually via Facebook messenger as you can see if they’re online when they should be asleep!)  I will say that safeguarding your teenager should never be undervalued. It’s how you do it though that makes the difference to how successful you are.

So when it comes to exam times, teenagers are under considerable stress, whether they put pressure on themselves or if parents and teachers are doing it and this is not great for their mental or physical health. As a parent there are a few things you can do such as;

theres so much you can be doing to help teenagers during exam time. heres some examples

  1. making sure they are eating properly, no one learns anything on an empty stomach. healthy breakfasts in the morning and sending them to school with snacks will get them of to a good start. Vitamin supplements are always a good idea too and and good quality ones, like these Teen Boy vitamins from Wild Nutrition which my don takes are specially tailored for the extra nutrients they need while their bodies are still developing. 
  2. making time for them to talk and offload,
  3. encouraging them to get lots of fresh air and take breaks if they are cramming in revision,
  4. Helping them see the bigger picture (what you put in you’ll get out.) and how there is light at the end of the tunnel.
  5. Letting them off some of their chores
  6. and keeping the house as distraction and noise free as you possibly can.
  7. I even helped tidy my son’s room and rearranged his revision notes into subject piles so he can access the right information without ploughing through a mass of stray bits of paper and books.
  8. Printing the timetable out and putting it on the fridge, with seat number and room helps you know which subject is coming up.
  9. And remembering to leave any negativity and nagging to weekends. The worst thing you can do as they leave the house in the morning is to tell them off for leaving the milk out. They really don’t want to be worrying or cross.
  10. Try creating a learning rich environment, allow them to put mind maps, revision notes around the house – on the bathroom mirror, the fridge and the bedroom door. There are even aromatherapy oils you can burn or sprinkle on a tissue to leave in their pocket which help calm nerves and aid concentration, Frankincense and rosewood are 2 I’m using. (this blog post will tell you more)

I remember all too well cramming in revision for my Degree,  living and breathing mind maps, scribbled notes and spider charts. It’s such an important time of their life right now so making everything else at home a little easier for them is the least you can do.


How to support teenagers with exam revision using an online revision course by Mum in a nutshell