Status update. There’s something you should probably know.

A fabulous quote for anyone at a low point in their life, divorce, separation or break ups can be hard but remembering this helps enormously

Mum in a Nutshell is a personal blog, documenting the life of a Devon mum to 3 boys, which you know. And the reason you guys keep coming back to read what’s going on in my little corner of East Devon, or any blog for that matter, is to see a snippet of what normal family life feels like. So it’s only fair that I share what’s going on for me right now.

It actually feels weird saying it out loud, if truth be told,  never in a million years did I think I’d ever have to. I made my vows and that was that. I took up my position of wife, general chief decision maker, financial advisor and there I stayed, 21 years in total. For better for worse, till death us do part. But things change, we changed, I changed and I had a gut feeling something wasn’t right.

The nitty-gritty is bye -the-bye and something I’ll never share, the reality right now is that the ugly side of separating with a husband / partner / boyfriend / whatever, is suddenly your relationship becomes public property. A topic of conversation on everyone’s lips and close one’s thoughts. But strangely it’s also a time when people want to talk to you less. So I’m going public with my own words.

You become the elephant in the room, conversations become strained as they desperately try not to mention the word ‘marriage’ or talk of what a wonderful time they had with their spouse. It never bothered me, most days I’m lost in my own thoughts to take any notice and I’ve hid myself away during the early days. Licking my wounds and wondering what the hell I do now.

It’s a fact of life that people talk, and sometimes gossip is good, it helps control behaviour as you try not to be the latest word on the streets. But sometimes that gossip can be cutting as they speculate about what happened. I’d love to share my story but it wouldn’t be fair and one day my children might read this.

So while the gossips do their gossiping,  I’m gripped in a roller coaster of emotions; excited about the future and new possibilities. While panicking about the fact I’m going to have to tackle motorway driving if the boys and I are ever going to go on holiday again. It’s a strange old situation which no one can ever prepare you for.

But hey ho, it’s happened and things happen for a reason. I’ve updated my status to single so while I exercise all manners of positive thinking and snuggle in the warmth & support of my amazingly family and friends. I thought it was only fair I told my readers what was going on and to remind you all to trust your insticts. I’m still here, still writing, still smiling and hopefully, with many more new adventures to share.

To be continued….

 

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26 Comments

  1. 7th September 2016 / 6:19 pm

    Well done Ali for posting this, it can’t be easy. I had a little giggle to myself when I read about the motorway driving – I have driven on a motorway but only if my husband is in the car with me to help…I am terrified of doing it on my own, I hate motorways! I am sure you will be crack it for the sake of a holiday though! X

  2. 7th September 2016 / 7:53 pm

    Sending hugs and lots of strength and positivity. X

  3. 7th September 2016 / 7:57 pm

    So sorry to hear about what’s currently happening in your life right now, and it seems like you’re handling it really well. I’m not suprised you’re doing well, you’ve always appeared to me as a lovely strong woman. 😀 Sending you virtual hugs and know that you have blogging friends behind you. 😀

  4. 7th September 2016 / 8:11 pm

    Here’s to a whole new world of possibilities. Carry on smiling.

  5. 7th September 2016 / 8:11 pm

    I’m sorry to read of your separation. I hope you’re okay and your boys are too. Sending love xx

    • 9th September 2016 / 9:38 pm

      Thanks Steph, all’s good here, bit more of journey to go on though.

  6. 8th September 2016 / 7:01 am

    Never mind the gossips, they are a useless lot, you just look after yourself and hold on to the people who really care for you.xx

  7. Jude
    8th September 2016 / 12:51 pm

    Ali well done for posting this blog and I really admire you, it is never easy, and the details are yours and no one else’s. So ignore the gossips, you are a wonderful beautiful person, mother, daughter, sister and you have good friends . Driving up the motorway is not that bad I promise, yes it will be different but you are strong and know your priorities! x

    • 9th September 2016 / 9:37 pm

      that’s so lovely of you to say Jude, it such such a leap of confidence to post but the response has been amazing.

  8. 9th September 2016 / 7:37 pm

    You’re awesome Ali. End of. Hope the super tricky bit is becoming less so now. Sending love xxxx

    • 9th September 2016 / 9:36 pm

      Thanks Reneé your relationships post this week had me nodding and smiling, perfect timing for me. x

  9. Sam McKean
    9th September 2016 / 8:09 pm

    Sending love
    x

  10. Julie weber
    9th September 2016 / 8:47 pm

    The life of a single parent can have its ups and downs but as they say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. And Ali you are strong . You can now share every moment with your boys and enjoy every adventure.
    As far as motorway driving goes if I can fly to America on my own with 3 under 7 you can jump on the m4 and if you need a hand just shout xx

    • 9th September 2016 / 9:35 pm

      Thanks Julie, that’s pretty bloody amazing. 3 under 7 on long distance journey! Might be heading your way for advice s

  11. 10th September 2016 / 11:16 am

    Hugs to you lovely and well done for writing this. It’s never easy being the centre of the gossip community but stay strong and don’t listen to what anyone’s saying. People mean well but they’re also nosey buggers at times, human nature I guess but we all need a bit of privacy.

  12. 16th September 2016 / 1:37 pm

    Aww Ali, this makes me so sad but know that, speaking as someone who’s been through it twice, there is light at the end of the tunnel and everything will be OK x

    • 16th September 2016 / 3:05 pm

      Thanks Kate, I feel for you going through it twice. Once is enough for me.

  13. 18th September 2016 / 3:03 pm

    I’ve just read your living arrows post and came looking for this post to comment to say I hope you’re doing ok and it sounds like you’ve made the best decision for you and your family. Don’t let the gossips get to you, they can’t have much going on in their lives if they feel the need to gossip about yours! x

  14. 18th September 2016 / 9:29 pm

    I became a single mum back in February Ali. To be fair though I’d felt as though I was single parenting for a while anyway so the logistics of being on my own with the kids wasn’t that much of a transition but I know what you mean about weekends and trying to stop obsessing of the 2.4s. Other than the acrimonious nature of what is going on sporadically between me and the ex, I have to say I’m loving our new lives so far – friends and family have been bloody marvellous and so, so supportive and I’m guessing you have that too. We need to hire a big bus to take us all away on holiday so none of us have to drive and we can all have the odd gin or two 🙂

    • 18th September 2016 / 9:48 pm

      I have been following your journey Sam and must admit, it certainly has its advantages doesn’t it! I love the idea of a gin fuelled single gals holiday!

  15. 19th September 2016 / 12:02 pm

    I’m sorry to read this, you sound so positive though. I’m a big belieber in trusting your instincts having gone through a divorce myself I knew when it was going wrong before I really did know. I read your other post too and totally get the Sunday thing, so hard. My now partner works away and I still find Sunday’s tough when he’s not here. Sending hugs and strength. Eilidh x

  16. 26th September 2016 / 7:10 pm

    One of the best pieces of advice I ever got about splitting from my husband is that separation is a process, not an event. You have to do it over and over. So don’t give yourself a hard time if it takes time to move fully into a new stage of your life – you’ll get there eventually, but there may be stumbles and backward steps, too.

    I’m sorry to hear, it sounds like you’re being v positive though – well done!

  17. 8th January 2017 / 10:12 pm

    Lovely post. Best of luck with everything. I’ve been a single mum now for about 2.5 years. It’s hard but also amazing. Sending hugs your way x

    • superuser
      9th January 2017 / 1:42 pm

      Thanks lovely xx

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