I’m an optimistic person, annoying I know, but that’s me. Think Tigger in slow motion. I wasn’t always Mrs Brightside though,not a total kill joy, but were occasions when I’ve been more Eyeore, woe is me and all that junk.
What I learnt, though, over the years is when you think the worse, the worse will probably happen. A self fulfilling prophesy, if you like. It might be full on in your face, this is really messing me up stuff, or just a whisper of ‘man this sucks‘. And when you are faced with a glimmer of negativity, that glimmer becomes a tornado, sucking you in until you’re so single focused on the crap, that the great stuff passes you by.
I’ve been there and it sucks.
But in all honesty there is always a light at the end of the tunnel, a positivity to hang on too. It might be a speck or it could be a complete case of sending your thoughts in another direction. Seeing the situation from another angle and pushing the bad stuff aside.
And that’s what I try to do.
Sometimes it takes me hours, days or even weeks to see that other side. Other days it’s immediate. But what’s important is I try.
If mama ‘aint happy, ‘aint nobody happy!
Because what happens if you don’t keep your cool when everyone around you is loosing theirs, is you run with them. You take on the stress and negativity and you get sucked into the tornado until you see nothing but chaos and darkness. And that’s bad, that’s really, really bad.
On the surface, when I’m stressed, I’m quiet. There’s little tells, like the scowl which I carry round while I’m lost in my thoughts. But on the inside it’s a different story, that chaos is like a whirlwind flying round my mind. Shouting at and blocking any happiness which tries to get in. And I have a tell, a physical tell that reminds me I’m internalising too much stress and I need to let go. A pain in my side.
We’re all different though, I have a friend who’s the opposite, when she’s stressed she talks, and talks and talks. She wears her heart, soul and mind on her sleeve. You know when life has thrown her lemons! If she was a colour, she’d be yellow! Either way, if you’re struggling you need a plan.
So what do I do?
Well first I mull it over. I searched for the worst case scenario and the possibly of that happening. And then I convince myself that actually life ‘aint that bad. That some good will come out of it or I simply remind myself that this isn’t my grief and I don’t have to worry about it. I have a space in my head reserved for the times when the going gets tough and right now, that’s not going there.
So off you go on your merry way. See ya!
Take these last few weeks. They’ve been tough, really tough. And twenty something me would have crumbled. I’d have shut down and hid in my own dark, nasty thoughts. I’d feel angry, injusticed and sad all at the same time. But then things changed and I got my light. My children, my beautiful innocent children. Those boys needed a mum who was present, who could mum without a scowl on her face and pain in her side.
So I learnt to push those dodgy thoughts and the worst case scenario’s aside. It may happen, I may not. But me thinking might just make it come true. But unless I focus on the good and the positive, then the good stuff should / could swing in my favour.
And if it doesn’t, then I’ve still got room in my head to store it while I keep looking for that glimmer of light..